All the things that I've done, I did it for someone. Is my life going to be like this everyday? Do I always have to satisfy certain people in order to be happy? Well, it's making my life worse. All of the things that've done were not for me. All of it were for my parents,my friends, my teachers and many others. I didn't realize it untill now. I realized that I've never lived a proper life; a life that is for myself, not for anyone else. What must I do to make them happy without sacrificing anything on m part? I've lose a lot of things just for the sake of others. Memories,friends,experience,love and happiness. All these I've sacrificed just for them because they told me that even though I sacrificed all of those I would still be happy. A few years have past since they've told me that and yet I'm still not happy. So if my whole life would be like that always, it would be better if I die right now, whether I go to hell or heaven, I don't care. Maybe hell would be better than this life, because in hell you would be working for the devil only while in this world, you'll be working for many people.
After all that happened this week, all the emotions, all the pain and all the sacrifices I've made, he's still the only one in my mind. What does he have that others don't have? Ok lng sana eh, pero the fact that he's not within my reach is making it hard for me. I don't want to compete with others for him. Kasi baka hindi naman siya deserving. Kung dumating and time na malaman ko na deserving pala siya, that's the time I'll fight for him, because I know that I won't regret it afterwards. Hope he can feel what I feel right now. I'm not saying na I love him already. Not yet anyway.
XOXO
heiressgirl
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