*giggle* The New Me

                            Christmas is over and here comes New Year! Whew! Well, a new year requires changes right? So from today onwards, I vow to change...change back to the old me! Haha. Wierd? Usually when people change, they change into a new person but me, I want to change back to the old me. 'Cuz the old me is way better than the present me. Why? Because the old me was very strong. I could take on any challenges that life gives me. I was very confident and sure of myself. In other words, I was sane before. That's why I want to change back. As you have known, by reading my previous posts, the me this year sucks real bad! I want to get read of it this coming new year. God also said, by reading the Bible, that I have to be patient in order to be happy. So I would also take life slowly and not hurry. Because hurrying will make me miss the oppurtunities that I should've taken. Well, how's that for my New Year's Resolution?

XOXO

heiress lady

This free picture collage made with Smilebox

I'm Back and Full of Questions, again!

                                    Why are humans still dwelling in the past when the future is already lying in the present? Why should they go back to the time when they felt pain and suffering when happiness is already there? What's with the past that is stopping us from moving on and being happy?

                                   I myself doesn't want to go back to the past and experience them all over again. I don't want to feel the pain and suffering I had before. Maybe that's why I'm having a hard time accepting happiness, which is just in front of me. What's with those people(you know who they are) that is making me suffer more than  had before? I am in agony. I can't believe that this is because of those people! I want to move on and enjoy my life. I want to forget about the past that made me like this. 
                                   Everytime  I distance myself from this agony, the more that I feel alone and more agonized. I don't know what to do! Everytime I open my facebook account all I see are quotes posted by my friends which, it seems, is telling me to relax because it's ok, it's alright. But nothing's alright! They keep telling me to be honest about my feelings, but if I will do that the more that I will suffer. I don't want to expect impossible things. I don't want to wait because waiting is still the same as dreaming. They said that time heals all wounds but why isn't my wound healed yet. Heck, it's still bleeding! This medicine is not working on me, so should I try a new medicine?

Love is Teasing, Love is Pain....i don't want it.

What's wrong with fate? I don't know why it thinks that that person and I suite each other. It's so annoying when it tries to bring us together! Today, out of nowhere, this issue popped out again just because of a stupid game of Truth or Dare. Sigh. The more these things happen the more I hate and love him. What's the matter with me anyway? I'm not always like this. Whenever I see his face, my blood begins to boil but then something in him makes me go back to my normal self and then I'll be able to see the real him without his face getting in the way. Sometimes I feel that the boy I always see in school is different from who he really is. I can also feel that he is afraid of showing the real him. I know there's a lot of him that he doesn't show us. I know this because whenever I watch him talk with other people, it's like he leaves 70% of him and hides the 30% of him inside. Although he just hides the 30% of him, it's already a lot for me, because for me 1% is already a big deal. If you can't show other people who you really it's the same as lying to them because you hide a part of you from them. I can't quite put my finger on this feeling. Whatever it is I know that it's just trouble in my part.

XOXO

heiress_girl

Poem of a Girl's Irritated Heart

Roses are red Violets are blue

My eyes are chocolate in hue

a body to go gaga for

but in my eye it's just a bore

hair accompanied with waves

there is no shampoo to save

a brain full of knowledge

enough to go to college

But what's the use of  all these

if it's only for a tease?

What I want is more from you

your heart for me that's true

with your true love and virtue

all I can say is thank you

Eaten With Jealosy

                      It's so unfair! I didn't ask for this feeling in the first place so why am I hurting?
i just saw him with acting with another girl and I immediately reacted! I was so furious with myself. Can you imagine I walked out just because my classmates where teasing me because it was so obvious that I'm so jealous? Hah! What's worst is I cried. I couln't hold it any longer. That time he was teasing me to a close friend of mine. I got irritated because of that plus the jealousy I'm feeling. Grrr...I hate it so much! Tomorrow is their performance, I wonder how I'll react then. Whatever! I'll just erase my feelings for him. It's not wholesome anyway, part of me loves him and part of me hates him. I wish it wouldn't be that painful. I'm really having a hard time catching up with my emotions. I may be experienced already but I'm not that strong enough to numb out my feelings. Not if I'm seeing him everyday! I really really hate this feeling!

XOXO

jealous heiress_girl

What is this Feeling?

           It's been 3 days since admitted my feelings for this special someone. His special in a way that I don't know why I feel this way towards him. Maybe because he's the first person whom I hated,because of his perfectness, that in a mysterious way I suddenly fell in love with. I said he's perfect because he already had the looks and the brains. I suck terribly in Math while he's really really good at it. Why I admitted it? I've had a hard time(in other words: I really suffered). For how many days, I lose control of myself. At night, I always watch drama series that revolves around LOVE. Whenever I don't do that I can't sleep, not even a wink. There were lots of times when I couldn't fall asleep because he keeps on popping in my dreams. whenever he does that I'm having a hard time waking up. Te next day I'm worn out just because of that. One time I didn't go to school because my whole body refused to move. Whenever I tried to move, it hurts. So I had no choice but to admit it even though it is against my pride. I admitted it to my friend, who I call Twin. She's been bugging me all the time to just admit it. I didn't want to believe that she was right at first but slowly it all came to me. Love doesn't choose people. Anyone could fall in love to anyone. Well in my case, I think God chose it for me. Everything summed up to it. God gave me lots of signs yet I refused to believe in it.The result was my suffering. I feel ok now. After I admitted it, I felt all my energy came back to me. Then everyday I feel refreshed and full of energy, even though I haven't slept much. Just seeing his smile is enough for me to regain all the lost energy. So this is how love feels. I don't want it to end, though it's only a one-sided love. I don't care. All I know is that I really love him.

xoxo

heiress_girl