Love is Teasing, Love is Pain....i don't want it.

What's wrong with fate? I don't know why it thinks that that person and I suite each other. It's so annoying when it tries to bring us together! Today, out of nowhere, this issue popped out again just because of a stupid game of Truth or Dare. Sigh. The more these things happen the more I hate and love him. What's the matter with me anyway? I'm not always like this. Whenever I see his face, my blood begins to boil but then something in him makes me go back to my normal self and then I'll be able to see the real him without his face getting in the way. Sometimes I feel that the boy I always see in school is different from who he really is. I can also feel that he is afraid of showing the real him. I know there's a lot of him that he doesn't show us. I know this because whenever I watch him talk with other people, it's like he leaves 70% of him and hides the 30% of him inside. Although he just hides the 30% of him, it's already a lot for me, because for me 1% is already a big deal. If you can't show other people who you really it's the same as lying to them because you hide a part of you from them. I can't quite put my finger on this feeling. Whatever it is I know that it's just trouble in my part.

XOXO

heiress_girl

Poem of a Girl's Irritated Heart

Roses are red Violets are blue

My eyes are chocolate in hue

a body to go gaga for

but in my eye it's just a bore

hair accompanied with waves

there is no shampoo to save

a brain full of knowledge

enough to go to college

But what's the use of  all these

if it's only for a tease?

What I want is more from you

your heart for me that's true

with your true love and virtue

all I can say is thank you

Eaten With Jealosy

                      It's so unfair! I didn't ask for this feeling in the first place so why am I hurting?
i just saw him with acting with another girl and I immediately reacted! I was so furious with myself. Can you imagine I walked out just because my classmates where teasing me because it was so obvious that I'm so jealous? Hah! What's worst is I cried. I couln't hold it any longer. That time he was teasing me to a close friend of mine. I got irritated because of that plus the jealousy I'm feeling. Grrr...I hate it so much! Tomorrow is their performance, I wonder how I'll react then. Whatever! I'll just erase my feelings for him. It's not wholesome anyway, part of me loves him and part of me hates him. I wish it wouldn't be that painful. I'm really having a hard time catching up with my emotions. I may be experienced already but I'm not that strong enough to numb out my feelings. Not if I'm seeing him everyday! I really really hate this feeling!

XOXO

jealous heiress_girl

What is this Feeling?

           It's been 3 days since admitted my feelings for this special someone. His special in a way that I don't know why I feel this way towards him. Maybe because he's the first person whom I hated,because of his perfectness, that in a mysterious way I suddenly fell in love with. I said he's perfect because he already had the looks and the brains. I suck terribly in Math while he's really really good at it. Why I admitted it? I've had a hard time(in other words: I really suffered). For how many days, I lose control of myself. At night, I always watch drama series that revolves around LOVE. Whenever I don't do that I can't sleep, not even a wink. There were lots of times when I couldn't fall asleep because he keeps on popping in my dreams. whenever he does that I'm having a hard time waking up. Te next day I'm worn out just because of that. One time I didn't go to school because my whole body refused to move. Whenever I tried to move, it hurts. So I had no choice but to admit it even though it is against my pride. I admitted it to my friend, who I call Twin. She's been bugging me all the time to just admit it. I didn't want to believe that she was right at first but slowly it all came to me. Love doesn't choose people. Anyone could fall in love to anyone. Well in my case, I think God chose it for me. Everything summed up to it. God gave me lots of signs yet I refused to believe in it.The result was my suffering. I feel ok now. After I admitted it, I felt all my energy came back to me. Then everyday I feel refreshed and full of energy, even though I haven't slept much. Just seeing his smile is enough for me to regain all the lost energy. So this is how love feels. I don't want it to end, though it's only a one-sided love. I don't care. All I know is that I really love him.

xoxo

heiress_girl

Forgive or Forget?

                    I know what you're thinking. The title should be Forgive and Forget, right? But for me it's not. It's either you forget that person or you forgive him. That's the way my heart goes.
                    
                    Last night he(KP) and I chatted in facebook. I don't know why I aloud it to happen or maybe  coincidentally my heart was openminded that time. We talked for hours about the latest happeninigs in our lives. He also apologized for his violent behaviour last time. Suddenly a thought came to me. He apologized for that, then he knows that I was there last time and he knows that he frightened me with his violence. So he still cares about my feelings huh! Our topic suddenly strayed to the past. I thought, maybe this is the right time to talk about the past between us. I just want to clear up the mess in my memories of him. Actually I was hoping that what I thought happened didn't really happened. Well what do you know? I found out that I was his first love. Though he have dated several girls in his past school, I was the first one he really loved and the one he didn't date. That's what he said. Who cares if that's the truth or not. At least I found out that he really meant what he said before. He's wasn't really a liar after all. Thought the confusion in my mind and heart was cleared, I can't love him anymore. Why? Because I've already moved on and I already have enough problems at hand with another guy. Too bad those feelings were wasted. At least I found out the truth and the truth set me free.

XOXO

heiressgirl

                     There's no use living if I only live to make other people happy.


                All the things that I've done, I did it for someone. Is my life going to be like this everyday? Do I always have to satisfy certain people in order to be happy? Well, it's making my life worse. All of the things that've done were not for me. All of it were for my parents,my friends, my teachers and many others. I didn't realize it untill now. I realized that I've never lived a proper life; a life that is for myself, not for anyone else. What must I do to make them happy without sacrificing anything on m part? I've lose a lot of things just for the sake of others. Memories,friends,experience,love and happiness. All these I've sacrificed just for them because they told me that even though I sacrificed all of those I would still be happy. A few years have past since they've told me that and yet I'm still not happy. So if my whole life would be like that always, it would be better if I die right now, whether I go to hell or heaven, I don't care. Maybe hell would be better than this life, because in hell you would be working for the devil only while in this world, you'll be working for many people.

               After all that happened this week, all the emotions, all the pain and all the sacrifices I've made, he's still the only one in my mind. What does he have that others don't have? Ok lng sana eh, pero the fact that he's not within my reach is making it hard for me. I don't want to compete with others for him. Kasi baka hindi naman siya deserving. Kung dumating and time na malaman ko na deserving pala siya, that's the time I'll fight for him, because I know that I won't regret it afterwards. Hope he can feel what I feel right now. I'm not saying na I love him already. Not yet anyway.

XOXO

heiressgirl

Which One O Unmerciful Faith?

                               I'm sick of it all! Everything, anything, all the things that has to do with LOVE;I hate it all!
                               How could fate be cruel to me? I've done nothing wrong to deserve this kind of punishment(for me)! Is it wrong to stay out of love for just a few days, weeks, months or maybe years? I just want to relax and be free for even just a little while. Please don't make me fall in love with the same person(again) and another one(latest guy) at the same time! Can't you just pick one among them? But please don't pick the latest one, because I can't imagine falling in love with him. It just seems so impossible and illegal. Unless you want me dead before I turn 15. There's also a conflict with the old one, because I already have moved on and once I've done that I will never go back on my word  so your left with no options. Unless your that powerful enough to make me believe and do those stuffs that I said I will never do, I will never fall in love with either of them or any other guy untill 3rd year. Hah! Let's see you beat that!

                               To those people who knows about this: Please don't think that because of this morning's event, I've fallen in love or maybe just bedazzled by him(latest guy). No. It's not like that. I'm not that kind of person. Plus I already told you that I only see him as a brother, no more no less. That's all. And as for the old one, I don't care much about him now. All I care is that he's making my life hard, well, both of them are making my life hard. So don't ever question my actions and behaviour because that's who I really am. If you're my friend then you know this already.

XOXO

feeling so confused and angry

Heiressgirl